Christy's Journal

10:28pm: Taco Meatloaf
We like the Italian meatloaf & we love tacos, so why not go for a new twist? I started with a pound of hamburger and a pound of Chorizo sausage. I mixed in 1 - 1 1/2 cups of crushed up taco chips, an egg, some Mexican Oregano, & a little Cayenne pepper. I mixed it up and then divided it in half. I bake my meatloaf on a broiler pan, so I patted the first half of the meat mixture onto the pan. Then I made a dent in the middle & fill it with Mexican Blend shredded cheese. I then put the other half of the meat on top & smoother the edges together. I topped it with taco sauce & baked it at 350 for an hour.

It was pretty tasty! Next time I think I'll kick up the spices a bit. I wasn't sure how spicy the sausage was so I started simple. Still, it was an excellent first try.

10:18am: A Post from Isaac
Sunday - Took knobs off Uncle Justin & Aunt Amira's coffee table. Tried to eat the zipper off their couch cushions. Practiced clapping

Monday- Learned to open & empty dresser drawers. Did some walking on my own.

Tuesday - Learned to un-roll toilet paper.

Wednesday - Kocked over speakers. Got my finger stuck in the VCR. More walking.

10:42am: Baby Bubbles
This morning I decided to put some bubbles in Isaac's bath. I've done this before, but he's never really noticed or cared so I don't usually bother. Well, he must be more observant now because this morning he noticed. Actually, he reminded me of a horse we used to have.

The horse did not like the snow because his feet disappeared in it. He would hardly walk in the snow because he was so busy picking each of his feet back up, looking at them, to make sure they were still there. This was hilarious to watch, unless you were trying to ride him.

So, back to this morning. I put Isaac in with the bubbles and he tries to pull his feet back up, but quickly realizes this makes him tip over. Instead, every few seconds he would pull one knee out of the water, staring at it, and then upon confirming it was indeed still attached to his body, put it back under the water. Then he would do the same on the other side. This went on for a good 5 minutes before he decided it was okay to play in the bath like normal.

2:33pm: Mexican Lasagna Attempt 2
Last night I made Mexican Lasagna again, with the changes I mentioned in the previous posted and it was much more successful! The corn tortillas made a huge difference, even though we could only find tiny ones, so I had to kinda puzzle pieces them together. Mixing the re-fried beans & hamburger took care of the worst part of the messy aspect, as now the hamburger had something to stick to instead of just spilling every where. And I though the thinner, repeated layers not only helped with the structure, but enhanced the taste as well. Now, one can get single bite that has all the ingredients at once. We enjoyed it as did the friends we had over for dinner, so I'll say the recipes is now a keeper.

11:50am: The Rebellion Continues
So, since Christmas Day our house seems to have staged a full-fledged rebellion against us. We came home late Christmas night to discover the furnace was out. After some unsuccessful tinkering, we packed back up and went to my parents for the night. Jeremy was able to find a service guy to come out on the 26th & $200 later, we had heat again. This first attack we both took in good humor. Then on Monday (12-29) we discovered that my driver's side rear tire was flat. Again, Jeremy went for the fix, but was unsuccessful and a few days later we gave Tire Barn a little cash to patch the whole. Then New Years Day, the dryer quit heating. Through a series of phone calls with the warranty department & several suggested checks, we FINALLY got a repair man out here last Thursday. He replaced the heating element, but informed us that we still could not use the dryer until the vent line from the dryer to outside had been cleaned out and/or replaced. Also, the night before, the bathroom sink started leaking. So, Thursday night, Mom brought us sink parts on her way home & Jeremy replaced the leaky hose/flex pipe thing. Saturday, Jeremy crawled under the house to measure & discovered that our dryer went line was already solid aluminum pipe in all the places it could be. So instead of replacing the line, he would have to clean it. Through the use of a snake line, a leaf blower, and his own hands, he discovered a great deal of lent & a dead bird. He cleaned it all out as best he could & now the dryer seems to be working just fine. We both thought surely this would be it. I mean seriously, how much could go wrong in 3 weeks?

Well, last night I went to flush the toilet, and the lever went down, way down & there was no flush. Upon opening the tank, I discover that the plastic rod that runs from the lever to the chain was no longer attached to the lever. I once again called Mom & am now waiting for her to come for her lunch break with toilet parts.

So, House, we beg of you, please call a cease fire! Whatever we have done to offend you, we are terribly sorry! Please, let us all liver together peacefully, at least for a little while.

9:29am: Mexican Lasagna
So last night we tried a new recipe, Mexican Lasagna. Now, I love cookbooks & new recipes, but honestly I don't try them out very often. I'm not really sure why. I guess I just get in a rut.

Anyway, last night, Mexican Lasagna. The ingredients; 1 lb. of hamburger, 1 can re-fried beans, 15 oz ricotta cheese, 1 jalapeno, chopped, 2 tea. cumin, 2 tea. onion powder (I didn't measure this, so I'll say "to taste"),chili powder, 1 tea. black pepper, 1 egg, 3 8 in tortillas, and 1 1/2 cups shredded cheese. (Optional black olives, sour cream, salsa)

I cooked the meat with all the spices. Then in a medium (the recipe said small...bad idea) bowl mix the ricotta, the egg, and chopped up jalapeno (or if you're me, diced really really small so you can barely see it). Now in a DEEP (again, tried smaller like it said,messy) round casserole dish,place a tortilla, then the beans, then the meat, then a tortilla, then the ricotta cheese mix, then a tortilla, then the shredded cheese. Bake at 350 for 15 min covered and 10 minutes uncovered. (Top with the optional ingredients after baking if you want).

Now it was yummy, really yummy, but also VERY messy. It had no structural integrity. So, above it what I did, what the recipe said. Here are my suggested, but thus far untested revisions. Next time I am going to mix the beans and meat together, as the hamburger layer was particularly troublesome. Then I am going to use a total of 6 tortillas, making more, thin layers (tortilla, 1/2 meat & beans, tortilla, 1/2 cheese mix, tortilla, rest of meat & beans, tortilla, rest of cheese mix, tortilla, shredded cheese). Also, I will be baking it a bit longer. We don't think it got warm all the way though. I say thing b/c well, Issac decided he was starving about the time I took it out of the oven, so it did sit out for a bit before we got to eat.

10:23am: Things I learned this weekend.....
1. I will never get as much work done on the weekend as I plan.

2. All day shopping with a baby is exhausting and painful.

3. My sleep pattern is so fucked up at the moment it's ridiculous.

4. Outback raised their already too high prices even more & if I want Alice Springs chicken, I need to learn to make it at home.

5. Turning the bathroom door around really did make the bathroom seem a bit bigger.

10:33am: That stupid scale is still stuck.....
About four days after I had Isaac, my mother-in-law said to me, "If you're smart you'll use nursing to your advantage. Don't think you can eat whatever you want because you're burning those extra calories. You'll get used to it & when you ween him you'll be used to eating that much and gain weight." This was followed by something to the effect of "Heather's lost all her baby weight & more because she did this" ( YEA Heather!! :-) ) Though Isaac was still in the NICU, & my weight was my last concern & what or when or if I was eating was also low on the list, I nodded and went on about my business, deciding she wasn't really calling me fat & my offense to this comment was probably hormone related. I ate what I'd been eating. Once Isaac was home I started walking on a fairly regular basis. About a month after he was born, the scale got stuck & it's been that way ever since.

I still weight about 20 pounds more than I did before Isaac. About 10 pounds is baby weight & about 10 pounds is weight I put on between actively trying to loose weight & getting pregnant. The part that is frustrating to me, is that it's not moving, no matter what. Now, I will quickly admit that I am not actively trying to loose weight. I am not counting calories or completing multiple workouts a week or any of that. What I have noticed it that whether we eat healthy or eat out, the scale doesn't budge. I can walk everyday or sit on my butt, the scale won't budge. Yea there's a 3 pound flux going on, but that's it.

So why is that? Why is nursing not the magic weight loss cure for me? I've been pondering this because one, I'm guessing it will come up at Thanksgiving, and two, I'd like to figure out what the deal is. One thought on this is that hormones screw with my weight (one of the many reason I went off the pill years ago). I think a big player is stress. I love my son, but the last 5 months have been some of the most stressful of my entire life. So, are those legit theories, or am I just making excuses? And, should I find this concerning (health-wise) or is it just an annoyance? And, given that I'm already stress so much, is now the time to stress about this too?

9:26am: Most people who read this probably know that though this isn't an issue I actively campaign for or anything, I am pro-choice. My friend Liz somehow manages to find new perspectives on this issue that comfirm my belief that the issue of abortion is not as black & white as so many people try to make it. So, whatever your stance, have you ever thought about this?

http://lizboltzranfeld.wordpress.com/

or this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk6t_tdOkwo

10:56am: "Gay Marriage Can't Hurt My Straight Marriage. Pass it on."

Copy this sentence into your livejournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

4:42pm: Baby Update
I have a sacked out little boy at my feet, so I guess I have a few minutes. Isaac has been a busy boy these last few weeks. He's rolling, scooting, and spinning his way around the floor. I never know if he'll be where I left him when I come back in the room. The down side is that he doesn't like to be on his tummy and constantly rolls onto it, but won't roll back. He's chattering and even once in a while, laughing. He likes to "tell stories" while he's getting changed and even had his first phone call this week. My mother-in-law wanted to talk to him and he spent the whole time looking around trying to find her. It was hilarious! He's getting pretty good at sitting when he's propped up and loves standing (being held up of course). These have all been fun & exciting developments.

The not so fun development has been the beginning of teething. Teething combined with Isaac's determination to not sleep have mad for a rough week for our family. LOTS of grumping. We have tried many teething tricks and some have worked better than others. For now it seems to have passed, though I know we have many many more times ahead of us.

Oh, and today Issac has started trying to eat without the shield. He lasted 10 minutes at two separate feedings. I think this is a good thing for Isaac, but man is it more painful for me. But, if we can get the hang of it, it will make nursing discretely a little easier.

12:57pm: Shopping Shouldn't Be This Hard
Every week I do our grocery shopping at 2 to 3 of the local stores. Those stores would be Walmart, Meijer, and Marsh. For anyone not familiar with them Meijer is your typical one-stop-shop and Marsh is the local grocery. This week though, is hectic & I really intended to just go to Meijer & be done with it. I ended up though, at both Meijer & Walmart, and still several items from my list not purchased.

First, my cereal, the Maple & Brown Sugar Shredded Wheat from Malt O' Meal, a month ago available at both stores, now at neither. They weren't out of it. It no longer has a spot on the shelf. The I went to get our orange juice, Minute Maid Children's (with the extra vitamins)...oh, also no longer available as Walmart cut the oj section in half. One variety each of regular pulp, low pulp, and no pulp. They were out of our coffee creamer. Meijer now only sells 2 brands of wheat hot dog buns, both very overpriced. Those though, I was able to purchase at Walmart.

Moving out of the grocery department, I wanted two items for Isaac, a pair of jeans & a small simple rattle. I have been hunting these 2 items in multiple stores for weeks. The smallest jeans I can find are 9 months. Well that's the smallest pair of boy jeans. There are tons of girls jeans. Now, normally I would say, who cares, but all these girl jeans have bows, flowers, or ruffles on them. Not exactly unisex. There is one single rattle for sale in every store. Isaac already has this rattle. I want a small bar bell or ring rattle, that makes noise with gentle shaking. I thought this was a basic in baby toys. I do not want a huge thing with lots of various teething tabs hanging off it. I don not want something that twists, because regardless of what the package says, he is months from being able to twist an object. I do not want something with flashing lights. Just a small, simple rattle to keep in the diaper bag.

It was not as productive of a morning as I had hoped...

10:23pm: Then & Now
Things I miss about my pre-baby life, in no particular order:
1. a full night's sleep
2. having time to enjoy cooking and eating food
3. sex
4. being able to wake up 30 minutes before we need to leave the house
5. traveling light
6. going to the movies
7. wandering aimlessly around a store (in peace)
8. reading
9. sleeping in
10. my self-confidence

Things I love about being a mommy, in no particular order:
1. everyone cuddling in the bed on weekend mornings
2. bath-time smells
3. baby smiles
4. working from home
5. standing together as a family at church
6. being excited over small things
7. watching my husband with our son
8. watching my son sleep
9. playing with my son
10. when just holding him calms him down (expect on those days when I can't eventually put him back down...)

9:43am: Sleep!
For the last 3 nights, I've felt like I'm actually getting some sleep! Saturday night Isaac actually slept through the night! We went to bed about 12:30 and he woke up for the first time when it was completely light out, so that's at least 7:00. We were at my grandmother's and she doesn't actually believe in keeping her clocks set, so I have no idea what time it atually was. For the last 2 nights, the little guys has slept 5 -6 hours, woke up to eat, and then slept 4 -5 hours more! At Grandma's he was sleeping with us, but here at home that's been all time in his cradle. If he keeps this up, I may be moving him to his own room soon....maybe.

10:51pm: Below is me complaining, which I don't usually do here, but I can't get to my regular journal right now.

( my complaint )

4:40pm: Mommy ramblings...
Remember when I used to post about other things? An well, here's another post about Isaac and being a mommy.

Isaac is 10 weeks old today. He had his 2 month check-up this afternoon. He is now 10 pounds and 10 ounces and 23 in. long. This put him in the 50% for height and the 25% for weight. His head circumference was also in the 50%, though I don't remember the actual measurement. The doctor was VERY excited about his growth. She feels he's catching up very well for someone who came early. She was pleased with how he looked and sounded as well as all the info I had to report on eating, sleeping, motor development and such. The trauma of shots has been delayed until Monday. The insurance is still deciding if they are going to cover us (explaining that mess would be a whole other post), so for the moment, we're not covered. I had thought maybe we would just suck it up and pay for this round, but the nurse informed me that would be over $500. So, the county offers free immunizations every Monday, and Isaac and I will be going then.

With all this growing, Isaac has really grown into his cloth diapers and I've become happier with them. The washing tips from Heather's lj community were excellent and have made that a non-issue for me. So at this point my reservations are not about how they effect me, but how they effect him. I still don't like the way they fit and feel that the bulk interferes with his movement. Right now, with the newborn inserts in, it's not as bad. The regular inserts make his legs stick up and out. He can barely move them and he can't lay them down if he's on his back. Therefore, I refuse to use them. I am not exactly sure what I will do if the newborn inserts become "not enough" before he's big enough to really fit the regular inserts. Also, the wet cloth does irritate his skin. By the end of the day his backside is usually bright red. I had a feeling this would be an issue. Sensitive skin runs in my family, and I've heard many stories from my mom and grandma about combating assorted rashes. So, for now we are compromising by wearing cloth diapers during the day and disposables when we're out and about and at night. By using the disposables at night, I can put diaper rash cream on all night, which helps significantly. Also, the newborn inserts aren't absorbent enough to last through the night and disposables are. We learned that one the hard way. Nothing says fun like picking up a dripping baby at 4:00 a.m. Anyway, this compromise seems to keep Daddy happy and not drive me nuts. I figure even part time use of cloth has benefits. Jeremy says even how many other things I do to be "green", he can't believe I dislike the diapers so much. I says everything else helps balance out our disposable diaper usage. Jeremy feels thing opinion is similar to saying "But I only killed that one guy, I left the other 28 alive." I think he's a bit extreme.
Well time to cook dinner, so that's all for now.

11:57pm: Another Late Night
Tonight I'm sitting up late on the couch waiting for my little guy to fall asleep. The week got off to a rough start, but ended well. The little guy learned to smile, and it's so much fun trying to get him to do it. He also discovered toys. He's batting and kicking at the toys on his play gym and he loves being tickles by his stuffed elephant. And then, as if that wasn't enough, he also seems to be able to see farther and is tracking more. These things make me so very thankful to be at home with him everyday, not missing anything.

3:43pm: By Request: Issac's Birth Story
Issac's story actually starts on June 5, at 4:00 am, three weeks before my due date. I had a horrible cough that was allergy related. Earlier in the night I had commented to Jeremy about how the coughing was causing some minor pain in my belly, and not really the normal muscle pain you get from coughing. Odd, but we didn't think much about it. Well, not until roughly 4:00 am, when my water broke in the middle of a huge coughing fit. This was the strangest sensation to me. Also, even though I had been warned, I couldn't believe how much "water" there actually was. After about 15 minutes of waiting for the "leaking" to stop, I realized it wasn't going to anytime soon, and woke Jeremy up. We called the doctor and waited for her to call back. When she called she told us to head to the hospital in the next hour or so because I wasn't having contractions and they would need to get me on meds if they didn't start soon. So we got the last of the packing done, called my parents, and headed out.

At the hospital we were checked in, put on monitors, and an IV of Pitocin to get things moving. From there until around 11:00 am, my contractions were pretty calm. I was sitting up in a chair, walking around my room, that kind of thing. Jeremy called more family, went to the cafeteria to have breakfast with my dad, ect. (Leaving to eat was at my request b/c I wasn't allowed to eat, hadn't eaten since dinner the night before, and didn't want to smell his food.) Around 11:00am - 12:00 my contracts became painful and much more freqeuent and the day quickly became a blur to me. I knew I was having frequent contractions, but dialating slowly. Mostly, we (me, Jeremy, & Mom) would work, and cough through a contraction and then I would pass out into sleep in between. Keep in mind that through all of this, my cough continued and I could not breath through my nose at all. Mouth breathing is not what they teach in birthing class, but it had to work for us. I know I changed positions several times. I know I had a pain med given through my iv at one point that really didn't work. Afterwards, I found out it was similar to novicane, which I required redicoulous amounts of to be effective.

Anyway, by around 11:00 pm, I was not quite all the way to 10 cm, but wearing out fast. I guess the doctor "helped" to finish that and began the 2 and 1/2 hours of pushing. At some point, my IV came out of my hand, and without it my contractions began slowing and weakening again. Also, Issac was face up, so that didn't help. I do remember that at one point, while I was resting between contracts, Mom commented on all of Issac's hair, as they could all see the top of his head quite well by then (I chose not to have a mirror). Dr. Vinson also said something about it and began playing with Isaac's hair, even forming a mohawk. Mom found it pretty funny, but Jeremy said that was "too much". Eventually they put this bar over my bed and tied a towel to it. I then pulled my self up with the towel every time I pushed. This help a lot and I wished they'd done it sooner, but finally at 1:41 am on June 6, Isaac was born.

They laid him on my stomach for about 2 seconds. Just enough time for me to realize he wasn't screaming or moving. They took him over to the "crib" and a whole bunch of people came in. The doctor told me he was going to be okay, and then got me focused on delivering the placenta. Now books & people will tell you that you hardly notice that part, but for me, that was just as hard as pushing him out. I'm guessing that's because my contractions were almost nonexhistent at that point and I wasn't holding my baby to distract me from it. While delivering the placenta, I did finally hear some little grunts and weak cries from Isaac.

Shortly after that, they let me see Issac one more time and then he & Jeremy went to the NICU. Mom stayed with me until Jeremy came back, and to be honest, I mostly fell asleep. While I was worried about Isaac, my body was too tired to allow me to stay awake. I do know my brother and his wife came in to see me & brought me the diet coke I so desperately wanted. Well, wanted until drinking it burnt my lips. That was when I discovered I had been biting my servery chapped lips every time I pushed. Upon the first time of going to the bathroom after the birth, I discovered that I looked like I'd been punched in the mouth, both lips swollen and bloody.

Once Jeremy came back, my family went home to rest. The NICU doctor came in to give us an update on Issac, but I was too tired to understand much beyond he needed care but was doing fine and would be okay soon. We slept for a couple hours and then had to switch from a birthing room to a mother/baby room. During the switch, my nurse took me to see Isaac again. This was the first time I really got to look at him and the very first time I got to touch him. Touching him was a little intimidating though, as he had cords coming off of him in every direction and was in funny little snuggley thing, under a warmer. At that point I was still tired enough I could only stand for a few minutes, so very soon I was headed back to my room.

Overall, in recovery, I was in very little pain. I had no tearing, so no stitches. I had muscle soreness and some tenderness, but never needed any type of pain meds. Isaac made progress quickly, and after a week in the NICU, came home. Maybe I will tell all of that story in another post. For now, I will wrap this up by saying this. Giving birth was extremely hard, but our son is by far the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. As those of you who have kids know, there's just no real way to describe it.

4:38pm: Balance
Balance seems to be the trickiest thing to achieve in my life right now. I was thinking last night that my only 2 baby related posts were pretty negative. This isn't because I don't like being a mom. It's because I've always struggled with balancing my livejournal with my personal journal. See, I don't really like to write about things twice, so events and thoughts end up one place or the other, but rarely both. My trusty old journal went to the hospital and holds the story of those first amazing days. Maybe I'll share that all here at some point, but a lot of it still feels too personal for a public forum.

Now I am facing the age old, ultimate balancing act; working & parenting. I know most of you that read this manage to do this everyday, but its overwhelming at first. My ridiculously high expectations of myself, and my perception of others expectations is making this worse. I need to let somethings go, but I'm not good at that. I need to really accept that no one, except me, expects me to do it all.

12:11pm: My Day So Far
1:00 am - Baby finally asleep, but sadly in bed with us. I'm too tired to risk moving him.
4:40 am - Baby awake, wide awake
6:15ish am- Alarm goes off. Baby still awake and fussing. I'm crying from exhaustion, overwhelmed at the thought of another day of trying to do my job & be mommy. Husband hits snooze & goes back to sleep.
6:35 am - Baby finally asleep. After putting him in his cradle, I lay down, try to sleep, but alarm will be going off again soon.
7 something- I finally drift off
A little bit later - husband wakes me up to sign bank paper work I forgot last night. I sign & go back to sleep.
8:05 am - Baby wakes up, nurses
8:40ish am - Baby done eating, lay him on bed beside me & instantly fall back asleep. Have no idea if baby is awake or asleep.
11:15 am -Baby wakes me up to nurse again. While doing so I realize it's 2 hours past the time we normally get up, that the baby is in the process of getting day & night mixed up again, that I will never get everything done that I should, that it's too late to lay out anything but hamburger for dinner, that I really need to go to the bathroom, and that I'm starving.
11:40 I actually get to go to the bathroom. Then I get both of us dressed, and get some breakfast.
12:00 I finally get some coffee, which is drinkable after husband's doctoring suggestions. Baby screams until he turns purple while I'm doing this.
Now - holding, jiggling baby, typing one handed, trying to remember why we were so against having a baby swing.... oh he's drifting off again. Not crying good...sleeping all day very, very bad

11:04am: Cloth Diapering
So after much debate, and with more than a little apprehension on my part, we decided to try cloth diapering. I researched on the net, talked to friends that were doing it, and finally settled on the Bum Genesis 3.0. They're one size fits all, pocket diapers. Kacey & Heather were awesome, and purchased several of them as our baby gift. The diapers came and I thought they looked pretty awesome. I was excited about trying them out.

Well, yesterday was my first chance to do that because, despite the claim that they would fit a newborn, Isaac was just way too small for them. Actually, we have decided after a little use, that he is still too small for them. Sadly, I have to say I am not so impressed with these diapers. Before I list my thoughts, let me state that first, I am not dedicated to the whole cloth diapering thing. I was convinced/pressured into it, mainly for financial reasons. So, what I agreed to was "trying it" and I am aware that my attitude is not as positve as it could be. Secondly, let me say that though I am about to complain, I have not passed judgment after only one use. I fully intend to try again in a couple weeks, when Issac is a little bigger.

So, after those disclaimers, here's how the test run went. Diaper one: Issac screams the entire 45 minutes it's on. This could be related to the diaper, but he's a baby so no way to know for sure. Still after 45 minutes, I put a disposable back on him, just in case it's the cause. He calms some, but not completely. Diaper two: Issac manages to completely fill this one. It comes close to leaking at the leg, but doesn't actually leak. Daddy, who's idea this was in the first place, puts Isaac back in a disposable. Next diaper change we try for round 3. Isaac again becomes distressed rather quickly. I discover his diaper is wet and that the cloth closest to his skin is pretty damp, even though it's supposed to keep moisture away from his skin. At this point I decide to go back to disposables for a while.

This morning, I washed all the diapers. I figured Kacey was right, that another washing would help soften them up, and well, the 3 dirty ones needed to be clean. Besides, I was curious how they would clean up. Well, getting the pocket inserts out was indeed yucky. I'm thinking gloves in the future. After washing, per the instructions, both soiled diapers have some stains, and the liner of the "filled" one is pretty badly stained. Now, I realize he's just going to fill them again, but I'd still prefer the clean ones to look clean.

Hopefully, the next attempt will go better, but for now, it's back to Pampers.

6:53pm: Yesterday was my 36 week check up and all went well. The baby and I are both doing fine. This was also when the doctor and I started talking about how I want to deliver. I was very relieved to discover that she is in complete support of my desire to do this as naturally as possible. I didn't expect her to disagree with me, but finding out that she also prefers to do things are naturally as possible was reassuring. We talked about how strongly I do not want the epideral and she offered me 2 other possible medicines that can be given for short relief and at a moment's notice, neither of which should make me loopy or effect him. I don't plan on using them, but it's nice to know there are options if my labor drags on for a really long time. She also told me she is against inducing or using drugs to speed up labor unless there's a medical risk to one of us, so that also makes me happy. I had a feeling we were both on the same "this is a natural process and women have been doing it forever" page, but it was very nice to be reassured.

5:28pm: A day off.
I totally took advantage of my flexible schedule today and did well, nothing. Not nothing really. Just nothing I was supposed to do or had to do. I slept in a little. I went to the graduation program at the day care I used to teach at. Then I had intended to come home and work. Instead, I fixed some lunch and started chatting with Liz, who is moving away soon. About a half an hour into our discussion, she suggested we meet at Starbuck's. At that point, I decided I was taking the day off. We met and sat and talked for another 2 and 1/2 hours. I came back home and did "fun" computer stuff. Later I'm having dinner with another friend. I truly can not remember the last time I had a day of doing things that didn't have to be done. Our weekends have been busy. We've had family commitments and church commitments and most of my "meetings" for work are on the weekend. We've had to go her, get this, work on that. There's been an evening here and there where we just kicked back, but not a true day off. And I must say that taking that day off on a weekday somehow always feels more rewarding than on the weekend. Today I have been just Christy. I haven't been anyone's teacher, mother, wife, daughter, employee, or anything else. I've just been me, doing things I wanted to do, when I wanted to do them, and it has been AWESOME!!!

3:41pm: I think this flexible scheduling, project based work is going to take some getting used to. I am so used to working pretty traditional hours, that I've felt like I'm slacking the last 2 days. See they haven't sent me a new project yet, so I've been puttering around home. I'm trying to keep in mind that I put in 60 hours in a little over a week on this first project, so it was probably all balance out.
Instead of working,I have cleaned house. I have updated our address book and thus gotten rid of most of the small pieces of paper falling out of it. I have gotten almost all the junk out of the baby's room and gotten it taped for Jeremy to start painting. I've read the newspaper the last two days, something I almost never do becasue of lack of time, not interest. It's been nice to get all this stuff done, but I just can't shake the feeling that I'm neglecting what I should be doing.

10:16pm: I read today, for the first time, an article I truly respected and found informational in American Baby magazine. American Baby is a magazine you can get for free when you're expecting. They've now sent me several issues and usually, I strongly disagree with the parenting advise or find the articles biased by their support of certain, paying baby/child product companies. This article though, from the May issue, was titled "7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child" and was written by Marguerite Lamb. The 7 "secrets" were so logical and simple; foster connections, quit trying to make your child happy, nuture your own happiness, praise the right stuff, allow for sucess and failure, give real responsibilities, and practise habitual gratitude.

See this article recognizes that some of the reasons so many people aren't "happy" is because they feel like it is someone else's responsibility to make them happy. It also touches on why so many teens and adults feel they have to achieve big things in order to be happy/loved and that they also lack the feeling of being needed because they don't have/take on responsibilites that contribute to society.

So, I guess it turns out that rasing happy chidlren isn't a result of following all the new parenting fads ,and always putting your kids above everyone & everything else, but instead is a result of reverting to the tried and true parenting methods of years gone by.